A Place for My Poems to Live

Accusations,
innuendos,
thrown,
and caught.
Reflex.
Chucked
and tossed
at bystanders,
the ones who
don’t suspect.
Lesson learned,
I should have
seen
I’d be the one
up
next.
You asked me
to write one
for you.
Well here you go.
Respect.

(written 2/2008)

divorced male
christian.
looking for a
godly wife,
a best friend,
a quiet nighttime hand holder.
funny how,
when,
in the whole world,
that’s all i wanted to be,
you weren’t looking for me
at
all.

and now the angry version…

divorced
(left stranded and all alone to suffer)
male
(i have the penis so you will do as i say)
christian
(better than everyone else and don’t you forget it, they’re all a bunch of sinful worms and we are superior)
looking for a
godly woman
(clean up, spotless, smile all the time, don’t you dare complain or question, make sure you entertain all the church folk and convert the rest, your family will eventually come around and if they don’t they’ll just have to rot, won’t they?)
best friend
(or at least make it appear that you are, we’ll laugh at the right times and share knowing looks… i have no idea what you like just as long as you think the same thing i do about the bible and child rearing)
quiet nighttime hand holder
(quiet being the key word, don’t talk to your sister too much, you get rowdy and that’s not ladylike… oh and i may ignore you all day until the last 10 minutes before bed, so you better get ready for some emotionless intercourse)
I wanted that
more than anything
(until I knew what it was)

sunday church
white robes
cold water.
a new spiritual mother
unprompted.
the beginning
of bibles
brides
babies
and
bitterness.
no regrets,
only
lessons learned
about
god
grace
gumption
and
gossip.
a date
of remembrance,
not of sins
covered,
but
sins
committed.
pity.

what do you do
when you know
that how you feel
will pass,
like a bad mood
or a moment of ecstasy.
when every event
seems to be a reaction
to some other,
and not significant
on its own merit.
when the temporal state of the heart
seems permanent.
when the mind won’t see past the changes.
when there is no
pushing or
pulling or
cajoling
through.
when there is no
acceptable
answer.

brain and heart
no longer friends
but enemies
of the mortal sort.

why should they
get along, really,
when the one
that thinks
cannot feel
and the one
that feels
cannot think.

so tired of
the
discombobulation
that occurs when
both opine,
yet painfully aware
that neither can
be amputated.

life goes on
with each
waging war on the
other,
praying for a compromise.
or at the very least,
a truce.

but no.
they fight,
until one surrenders,
leaving the owner
with the
unbearable likelihood
of desolation
or the inevitable
lifetime of loneliness.

What would you think
If you were told that
We lost what we
Were; would you think that I
Meant it just
For now, or for
Each moment, in this life and the
Other?
After you took it
All in,
What
Would
You
Think?

So now the bitter is gone
and the sweet has plenty
of room
to seep back in.
Thank goodness
for windows notepad
and the occasional paper and pen.
Eyes catch in the dirty mirror
as will turns into
hitch and the counter
gets
shiny clean.
Her last boyfriend owned Sweden
or something
and I finally feel alright
with
this.

Have I told you lately
how much I adore
seeing your hand
in
her
hair?
how much I enjoy
hearing the soft smack
of your
separating mouths?
how much I look forward
to catching her perfume
on your neck
as we
hug good-bye?
No?
I
didn’t
think
so.

wheel number three

only good when one and two

have no stability.

so it sits

by itself.

the silent partner,

sometimes happy to be separated,

welcoming the burden of balance.

but there is

the occasion,

increasing with time,

that it cries to be

part of

the two.

I’ll be in the dark soon,
more than likely.
but I still went out drinking
last night.
I called in all the favors
owed by my also
sporadically broke
friends.
And I figured I could justify
the gas.
If it waits til Friday
things will be ok.
Hanna
and
Ike
and
Josephine
are coming,
so really
I’d be in the dark anyway,
.
.
.
right?
12 days
til light.